Hi there.
I’m Scout.
The Old Guy in the house I live in calls me Cat-Dog. I don’t get it. I’m a cat. I like being a cat. The fact that I happen to rule over three dogs in my house is their fault for being Beta-Dogs, not mine. I’m just being a cat.
So, the Old Guy in the house is letting me write a column now on his website. Very nice of him. Almost as cool as what the Nice Lady who lives in the house has done for me since I decided to live with them back in the summer. She goes all out. Some sort of strange concoction out of a tube she gives me is just amazing. Also, leaves boxes out for me to play in and jump out of to scare the other non-cats. Then, if that’s not enough, she recently put out a fake tree, put cool lights on it, then put little thingys hanging from the fake branches for me to play with.
It doesn’t get much better than this.
This fake tree also lets me climb up in it and then jump out and scare the other non-cats in the house. This Nice Lady, she rocks.
I’m not gonna lie, this is not a bad gig. I was hanging out beside a swimming pool back in the summer just sitting around getting skinny when some other people scooped me up with some of my brothers and sisters. I hung out with them for a few days before the Nice Lady showed up. I decided she would do for a person and made her think she was rescuing me. People love when us cats and dogs do that. It makes them think they’re doing something, but we cat-dogs know the truth. They need us. It’s obvious the Nice Lady needed me because why else would she have so many shelves and plants and ledges for me to climb on and try to clean up for her. I can’t believe she leaves all those things out. Luckily I’ve got a lot of time during the day between naps and watching Fox News that I can try and clean off those shelves and counter-tops. What would the Nice Lady do without me??
Now, there’s another person in the house. I call him the Young Man. He’s got his own room with lots of interesting things, devices, screens, lights and smells. I heard the Old Guy of the house tell him once it reminded him of a pig-pen. I’ve looked around and haven’t seen any pigs in there, but there’s lots of bags and plates that sure smell like they once had good food on them but don’t. I sometimes go into the Young Man room, but one of the non-cats in the house gets a little prickly and runs me out. Not worth the trouble when you’ve got so many other places you can wait and pounce from.
The People in my house have been doing all sorts of strange things the last few days. The Nice Lady has been taking boxes that I love to sit in and placing stuff inside and then wrapping paper around the box so no one can sit in it or even get to whatever it is she put in the box. It makes NO SENSE! A waste of a great box. If you can’t sit in a box, might as well burn it or put it in the plastic tall thing in the kitchen that the people get really mad about if you go to sniffing or pawing at it.
I’m doing the best I can to teach my People how to do things but they just don’t pay attention much. They’re always moving around, coming and going out of my house, sometimes they’re gone the whole time it’s light outside. They need to take more naps. Also, there’s the matter of the non-cats. I’ve got three to deal with. The oldest one is the smallest and she pretends I’m not here. I love to tackle her and make sure she knows I’m the boss Cat-Dog. The other one is flat-out goofy. Can’t figure her out. She makes loud noises for no reasons and then, again for no reason, will lay down in what she thinks is her bed. It’s mine. The biggest non-cat is beginning to come around. We might become friends. She’s a little laid back. Sometimes she’ll pretend she’s mad at me for putting my paw on her, but I know she really likes it. Still, she’s really big and I let her think she’s still in charge around the house sometimes.
Did I mention the food right now???
The people in the house are leaving out cookies and all sorts of sweet stuff. Sometimes they leave these things in a big hole in the counter and they don’t wash it off real good and I get to lick on it all day or night! Like a Vegas Buffet with no cover charge! I still don’t understand why they get mad when I push some of those things onto the floor for everyone else to enjoy. Why should I have all the fun? I’m a giver!
Ok, I guess I’ve got to call it a night for now. The Old Guy wants the writing-box back I think. He’s looking at me. That’s never good. I’m still not sure I trust him but we’re working things out. I think he really likes it when I climb up on the bed at night and get on his pillow. Ya. I’lll do that some more tonight just to get on his good side.
I’m still working on all the things my people say in my house, but I’ve heard one a lot lately so I’ll say it hear and hope it works.
Merry Christmas from Scout The Cat-Dog!
I’ll write more when the Old Man leaves his writing
