Scout is Hyatt’s cat. He’s got an agent, hard to deal with now and has lots to say. Enjoy his columns and be sure to tell him how much you like him. He enjoys that.
I am confused.
As most of you know, the Nice Lady did a great thing a while ago and she made sure I had big holes cut out in our house. They have invisible barriers that keep me from going outside, but they let me see everything that goes on outside our house. The Old Guy griped about cleaning windows a while back so I call them windows. I’m glad he cleaned them because I love watching the birds. They are my friends now.
But I am still confused.
We can have all sorts of people in our house. We can have the Dog-Cats, Saaaaaydeeee and Innnnnndeee, but we cant have my friends the birds for some reason. I like them. I talk to them but they can’t hear because of the window. I don’t know why I like them so much, but when I see them I want to really, really, really be outside with them.
I am processing lots of emotions on this. Be nice. It’s not always easy being a Cat-Dog. . .
So, this week I realized the Nice Lady probably wouldn’t let me out to see the birds.
I’m working on a plan with the Dog-Cats.
They get to go outside all the time. They do dumb stuff. I can tell. They come back to the house dirty and dusty and sometimes Innnnnndeeee smells like she rolled around in the Young Man’s room who lives here. Have you smelled his room? It smells…like … things a Cat-Dog cant even describe.
But meanwhile, my plan with the Dog-Cats to get outside!
So, I think I’ve figured this out.
In the middle of the night, usually one of the Dog-Cats needs to go outside and bark for no reason. Both the Nice Lady and the Old Guy try to ignore it. They even try to ignore it and hope the other person stops ignoring it first, but they finally give in and one of them gets up and let’s out the Dog-Cats.
This is my plan.
I’ll take advantage of the Old Guy and his blindness.
He can’t see at night. I can tell. He’d let a raccoon into the house thinking it was a Dog-Cat. So, since he’s so out of it and can’t see, I’m going to sneak out one night with the Dog-Cats. I figure I can either crawl under one of them or even jump on top and get carried out. Either way, I’m heading to the Outside to see those birds and make some friends.
Now, there is one problem here.
I’m not sure what to do with the birds and I’m not sure how to get back into the house.
The Dog-Cats stay out for a while, but they finally come back. One scratches on a window. The other just sits there and waits. I can’t live like that. I need a schedule or something.
Have I mentioned the dark?
It’s dark outside at night. Now I know cats are supposed to be able to see in the dark, and I’m not going to say we can’t; but I’m not really sure I want to see what’s outside in the dark. I remember being outside before I decided to let the Nice Lady let me live at their house. I was outside. It was dark. I did not like it.
I know it’s different here at my house than in the city, but I just don’t think I really like the outside and the dark combined again.
So here I am tonight. I want to go out. I want to meet the birds and be friends. I want to let the Dog-Cats smuggle me out. But I really think I like it here inside more. . . Don’t tell anyone. I’m supposed to be a brave Cat-Dog.
But tonight, I think I”m just gonna wait for the Nice Lady to go to bed and then I’ll jump up there and maybe snuggle a little just to keep her warm and then I’ll go down to the end of the bed and look out the window. I don’t think the birds are going anywhere. Besides, if I ran outside with the Dog-Cats in the middle of the night and the Old Guy noticed he’d probably trip and fall off the porch and then who would bring me my Cat-Dog food in the big bag he brings home sometimes???
Yep. I’ll just have to wait for another time to get with those birds. For now, I’ll stay home. But don’t tell the Dog-Cats. I want them always thinking I’m one step behind them and ready to go outside. It makes them move quick. That and the Old Guy. No reason for him to get lazy in the middle of the night. Someone needs to keep him in line.
See you next week. I’m thinking I’ve nearly figured out how to push the buttons on the thing that the Old Guy and Nice Lady use to make the pictures change on the wall that they watch all the time. I think I need to be able to do that while they are gone. Maybe there are birds on it somewhere instead of tall people pushing orange balls around and stuff. Weird things they watch.
-Scout, The Cat-Dog
