Brought to you in part by McAlpin Chiropractic. Maybe Kevin could convince Scout the Nice Lady actually loves him! He’s that good. Actually, just let him help you feel better at McAlpin Chiropractic!
The Adventures of Scout, The Cat-Dog!
The Nice Lady hates me.
Oh, hi there and thank you for reading my column again. The Old Guy moved away from the writing-box for a few minutes so I can hop on and catch you up on everything going on around the house I chose last summer to live in with the people. And the Dog-Cats.
So last week I told you about the Nice Lady being mean and hating me. She wouldn’t let me sit on the amazing chair she got me. They called it a Humidity Fryer. Awesome. Cool jets of water and I could see out the window and watch the Dog-Cats do stupid things. I loved it. And then… it was gone. She took it away because she hates me.
So, I thought this might be a singular case of Cat-Dog hatred, but I was wrong. It got worse this week. You won’t believe what the Nice Lady ( or so I thought!!!!) did!
To tell you the story, I’ve got to explain that something weird is going on outside where they make the Dog-Cats go to do their, you know, when they have to… well, they’re not smart enough to use the little plastic house I have when I have to… you know.
Anyhow, so I see outside the magic clear barrier I can’t go past that it’s really brown outside. I mean it looks dark and it’s making crazy noises and I just didn’t think it as a good time to be out there with those Dog-Cats.
Now with that going on for a few days, the Nice Lady got really weird and cranky. She doesn’t seem to like the dirt and ground that I was born around to be in the house. She got a stick and moved it around and pushed the dirt into little piles; and then she got the Dirt-Sucker out.
This thing is scary.
It makes noise and she pushed it around. Then, the Nice Lady unhooked part of the Dirt-Sucker and added a crazy thing to the end of it, scooping up even more dirt.
And that’s when it happened. That’s when I knew she hated me. Again.
As I as minding my own business, the Nice Lady attacked me with the Dirt-Sucker. She did!
She moved that magic wand that controls the Dirt-Sucker and the next thing I know, my tail is flying up into the air, about to come apart from my body. That Dirt-Sucker was magically now trying to take my tail off my body.
Never mind that I was trying to get close to the Dirt-Sucker. That’s not important right now. A Cat-Dog must investigate all things in its house.
It did not feel good.
Before she could suck my tail off with that Dirt-Sucker, I went into action.
I did what any good Cat-Dog would do. I jumped. Straight up. Into the air. I got so high up in the air, I could see the picture-box they watch in their bedroom. Now, the next thing I had to do was land. No problem. That seems to take care of itself when I jump up, I always come down.
This time though, I had a plan.
My feet were spinning fast. If you don’t think you can get going on wood floor when you have to, you’re wrong. I hit that floor and was gone! The Nice Lady didn’t even know where I went for a long time.
Then I had to eat.
She has the food.
It doesn’t seem fair, but the Nice Lady does have the way to open the wood box by the water place and get out my food. If I only had opposable thumbs. . .
So I went back and got some food but I wasn’t happy.
I showed her. I went back and sat just where she could see me, but couldn’t hold me or pet me like she likes to do! I showed her.
Then I got cold.
So ya, I ended up cuddling with the Nice Lady that night, but I didn’t like it and I did it under protest!
I’m telling you folks, it’s not easy being a Cat-Dog in this house! Between the Dirt-Sucker incident and them taking away my chair, I’m about to look for someplace else to call home. But probably not. I mean the food is good, the Dog-Cats are fun to watch and pick on and the Old Guy lets me use his writing-box to talk to y’all. I guess I’ve got a good deal.
For now, I’m gonna let the Nice Lady think I’m still mad at her, but I’m really not. The good thing is that as a Cat-Dog I can pull that off easily. I am the King of Disdain. ( I had to have the Old Guy look that word up but I think it’s right and that’s who I am. )
Thanks for reading tonight! The Old Guy is coming back to his room and really wants me to get away from the writing-box. Call me when he rites as good as me!!!! Rhuerf eojade Ooops. Sorry, got distracted by the sound of a can opening in the people food room! See you next week.
Scout, The Cat-Dog